My Problem with Gospel Narcolepsy
In times of greatest need, why do I tend to fixate on the problem, becoming stupidly self-reliant?
I’ve received some incredibly generous gifts from friends recently.
Financial gifts to help support my ministry at the seminary. These gifts remind me that I have a Father who provides, not always in one, big lottery win, but in thousands of small gifts.
But there are times when I forget I have a Father who cares.
In those moments, I revert to my old orphan ways of worry, grasping for control, and prayerlessness.
Prayerlessness is the giveaway for me.
In times of greatest need, I tend to fixate on the problem, becoming stupidly self-reliant.
Yes, I know I am responsible to act. However, my acting as an orphan usually does not end well. In January 2020, self-reliance landed me in the ER with what the EKG said was a massive heart attack. Thankfully, it was only a massive panic attack--but one that ghosted a killer physical symptom.
It was quite the wake-up call.
Yet, as awake as I became, it doesn't take much for a conscious awareness of God as sovereign, good, kind, strong Father to vanish. It's like I suffer from gospel narcolepsy, where I fall asleep at the most inappropriate and disadvantageous times.
This week has been a unique struggle with gospel narcolepsy.
After my son's vehicle died from a collapsed cylinder, a mechanic diagnosed my car with a bad transmission that needs to be replaced. Not to mention, our washer and dryer are on their last spin cycles. And my youngest starts college in the fall.
All of this created the trigger for financial stress-induced spiritual narcolepsy.
In a moment, I was McKay the orphan. Not really, of course. In the Father's eyes, all is well and under control. But I can't see that with my eyes, which are soundly closed in my narcoleptic slumber.
All the symptoms showed “orphan.”
A high degree of stress coupled with a low degree of prayer, asking, "crying to Abba" dependency. Pain in my shoulders. At home, I was in a rabid dog with a wounded leg kind of mood.
Let's just say, for the past couple of days, it hasn't been fun being related to me.
But we all have financial stress, don't we? And if that is not our presenting stress issue, there is something. Stress in marriage or with our kids, job pressure, deadlines, health problems, a leaking toilet, listening to politics on TV, and yes, even car maintenance.
So, today I'm turning to a few texts I pray will be as mustard seeds of grace for you and me as we confess our orphan tendencies.
I pray they’ll help freshly revive us from gospel narcolepsy to new gospel dependency, awakened by the smelling salts of grace that bring us to our senses like the younger son who finally returned to the Father and was met with a man-hug he could only remember from childhood, when his Abba would hold him tight and swing him around with wide-eyed delight.
I hope these will help you feel his embrace again, that we, together, might rest in his love as we trust in his grace, both of which have been proved reliable with the blood of the cross.
See below 👇🏼 for a worship video I hope you will find hopeful and helpful.
Romans 8:15 For you did not receive a spirit of slavery that returns you to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 And if we are children, then we are heirs: heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ—if indeed we suffer with Him, so that we may also be glorified with Him. 18 I consider that our present sufferings are not comparable to the glory that will be revealed in us.
Galatians 4:3 So also, when we were children, we were enslaved under the basic principles of the world. 4 But when the time had fully come, God sent His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those under the law, that we might receive our adoption as sons. 6 And because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!” 7 So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, you are also an heir through God.
1 John 3:1 See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! (NLT)
Matthew 6:25Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air: They do not sow or reap or gather into barns—and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28And why do you worry about clothes? Consider how the lilies of the field grow: They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his glory was adorned like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the Gentiles strive after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.
Hebrews 12:2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.